October 25, 2013

It’s my fifth day in my new work today and I still find myself thinking if I made the right decision. I know I don’t regret it but this new work will also cause a lot of changes. I somehow get along with my new officemates but I wonder if we’ll ever have the same closeness my former officemates and I share. Also, most people here work on the night shift so the office is a lot quieter during the day. And I usually don’t like “quiet”. Hahaha!

In terms of the work itself, I’m still getting the hang of things…a lot of things. I never really was a fan of financial stuff and haven’t imagined myself working for a financial news organization. But I am excited to learn these “stuff” and build another knowledge bank in my cluttered brain. Right now, I’m studying equities, M&A, capital offerings, banking, etc. I just hope I do really well on this job.

Things might change around here eventually since I am just starting so I’ll try to enjoy each experience until I can finally master everything in my work; and hopefully by that time, I’ve already realized why I came to this workplace.

Until then.

-October 25, 2013

separation anxiety

I feel so twisted right now. Last Friday was my last day in the office and up until now it seems as though things haven't really sunk in my consciousness. I finally resigned but it scares me how I can't explain what I feel, worse, I don't know if I feel anything right now.

Two hours before my shift ended on my last day, I cried so hard to one of my closest officemates. I cried not knowing where the tears were coming from or what they were for. And now I just feel so empty.

I know it's just work and my friends there will still be my friends even if everyone else would eventually leave the company. But knowing myself, this is the first time I am handling this kind of situation and apparently, I am not so good with goodbyes.

Separation anxiety. I'm not really sure if I am using this term properly but I know this is another turning point and turning points have always been difficult for me, detrimental sometimes.

I guess after my final exam, I would then understand what I'm feeling and come to my senses again.

It has been two days since I officially left the company. We'll see how it goes from here.